I'll Tumbl for Ya

I'm trying out Tumblr, so check out Woodland Creature over there for now.

My New Favorite Name

My new favorite unfortunate name belongs to New York Times reporter Mike Peed. I think Dick Trickle might still be my true No. 1, though.

Ugly Shoes Can Be Hazardous to Your Health

I would just like to point out that only the ugliest footwear seems to kill (or seriously injure) people. First Crocs, now Uggs. It's just a lose-lose situation for everyone.
{via Jezebel}

Brooke Hogan Doesn't Deserve Her

Hulk Hogan's mother is the new front-runner for Who Wants to Be My Adoptive Grandma? She's pretty much perfect in every way. I would take her to Hooters and help her buy Depends any day.

YOU CRACK ME UP SARAH MARSHALL

The littlest things make my day in New York City. Anyone who lives in New York has probably seen those annoying "Sarah Marshall" ads for this movie all over the city. They're just big white spaces with handwritten messages like "YOU SUCK SARAH MARSHALL" and "MY MOM NEVER LIKED YOU SARAH MARSHALL." The Daily News even interviewed some real-life Sarah Marshalls to see if their psyches were damaged by this advertising campaign. When I was walking in the East Village today, I saw that some Anchorman fan had created a custom Sarah Marshall ad on a piece of posterboard that read, "YOU'VE GOT A DIRTY WHORISH MOUTH SARAH MARSHALL," and posted it up next to the real ads. I literally started cracking up in the street like a crazy person. Hilarious.

This Is For My Peeps

Yeah, Peeps taste disgusting, but they're just so damn cute. And everyone knows there's no better way to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus than to...watch some Peeps reenact the movie Office Space?
{via Jezebel, via Babble}

My Hero

This man has "Git-R-Dun" tattooed on his forehead and "Got-R-Did" on the back of his head. I wonder how Larry the Cable Guy feels about such a display of devotion. I also wonder what the hell "Git-R-Dun" actually means, because I have never been able to figure it out.
{via Boing Boing}

Mary Ann Smokes Mary Jane?

Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island was supposed to speak at a Girl Scout luncheon, but her speech was canceled because of her recent arrest for pot possession. She's still smokin' the ganja at age 69. I knew they must have been doing something to beat the boredom on that island...

The Classiest Tombstone Evarrr

Courtesy of the great country of Ukraine. There are so many things to love about this tombstone:

• The fact that there is a life-sized engraving of the deceased on it
• The exposed black bra strap
• The free advertising for Dior
• The fact that the engraver took no artistic liberties, and didn't even minimize the poor girl's little exposed potbelly

And there are plenty more amazing Ukrainian tombstones where that came from! (These people reallllly love their Mercedeses.) When I kick the bucket, I think I would like to be remembered in a similar fashion. Wearing a wifebeater, with my pudge hanging out.
{via Boing Boing}

Local News Is the Best

Yet another example of why I love the local news: this story, out of Oconomowoc (bet you've never seen five O's in one word before!), Wisc. The following elements combine to create a perfect storm of amazingness:

• An exceptionally loud porn movie
• A crazy neighbor
• The kicking-down of a front door
• A 3-foot-long military sword

Watch the video if you feel like giggling. I think the funniest part is the fact that the porn-watcher isn't even embarrassed at all about his habit, and is happy to do a TV interview about it while chillin' in his La-Z-Boy. I love when the reporter asks him if he'll think twice about watching porn next time. His answer is priceless.
{via Jezebel}