Turrget Lady

I think my favorite thing about the suburbs is Target. (Yes, I know there's one in Brooklyn, but it's just not the same.) It's like a magical planet filled with cute, low-priced goods you didn't even know you needed! Kristen Wiig's Turrget Lady character on SNL is so genius.

Gift Suggestions Way Off Target

While browsing Target's gift suggestions for men, I was greatly amused by some of their selections. Here are some things I learned about the following male specimens:

The Guys' Guy

• Guys' guys like to play with cat toys
• Guys' guys like to make their own ice cream
• This guys' guy must be single, because no woman would allow this in her home

The Doting Grandpa

• Grandpas need to trim their nose and ear hair
• Grandpas should sleep on the floor
• Grandpas are alcoholics who need to drink martinis anytime, anywhere

The King of Comedy

• Comedy kings are Marxists
• Comedy kings are criminals who enjoy sassing cops
  
• I can't believe this exists, and costs $150

The Nifty Hipster

• "Nifty" is a hilarious word that a hipster would never say (unironically, at least)
• Hipsters are the only men who shave their pubes ("ideal for removing hair from all body zones"!)
• Hipsters like to wear Sean John cologne by hipster extraordinaire P. Diddy
• Hipsters are alcoholics who need their own personal breathalyzers
  
• "Rachael Ray" and "hipster" should never be in the same sentence. Also, she designs ugly plates